Wednesday, January 22, 2014

If I Used My Voice

So, on top of learning how the universe actually works, I've chosen this life that is painted in a veil that makes it look like everything gold in the universe, but instead, it so easily kills and snuffs out and burns out and drains for no reason...all to likely have a heart attack before I'm 30? 


Damned if I don't, though...dead if I do.

So what's better, being dead or being damned? Because I have a life that I love to live and I have no interest in spending it in some mundane, predetermined routine because I take my time and I make my path.

Children of academia, stand up. Stand up and be recognized as a human, the once per semester that you are allowed to do so; today is the day. Some of us are here because we were told we were good enough. Some of us are here because we were told we weren't. And some of us never believed that we were even allowed to exist in the first place so stand up.

I am not interested in being your savior. We won't start a revolution today. But for some reason I wake up in the morning and I find it so impossible to remember that I have the opportunity to decide what I want to make of my own life, and that is such bullshit. I'm not in it to win it all, at all. I'm in it because I love it, and the minute I forget that is the minute I lose, so it's a lose lose situation and we feel like we've exhausted all of the opportunities we felt so lucky to have had but the truth is that we haven't

The truth is very simple.

The truth is that we are not condemned to feel worthless, or to feel used. No matter how many times you ask yourself because you can't get rid of the throbbing behind your eyes, you probably don't have a brain tumor. It's your academic brainchild trying to hatch its way out of something that you couldn't understand before because that is education and that is the real revolution here.

In every subfield of physics we talk about how so many physical phenomena are path-independent, so why would we ever exclude physics graduate school? I was trained to think straight and narrow while I hid the ways that I still think far and wide. There is not just one way to do this, and scientists can be so uncreative sometimes. I'm not here to rush through. I'm not here to see who can get her PhD the fastest. I'm here to learn, so let me. Let me bounce around. Let me pick up skills here and there. Let me travel, let me explore, let me absorb, let me go.

It's just graduate school. I want the world.

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