Thursday, August 29, 2013

Thoughts, Uncategorized

I am not a patriot. I am not a nationalist. I don't like these terms for the same reason I didn't like the concept of religious denominations, when I used to actively discuss my faith. I feel as if, instead, my time has been better spent developing an understanding of what it means to be a decent human being. Not a decent American, a decent Christian, or any kind of decent specimen of any number of subcategories in which any organization-driven mind might automatically place me.

Rightly, or wrongly.

But then again, what's right is seeming to be more and more slippery and abstract as time goes by. The right shoes for me are certainly not the right shoes for you, if you don't have a size 9 foot and hate Converse. It's as simple as that, but on another hand, far, far more complicated.

So, I let you buy your own shoes. I'd appreciate it if you'd let me buy mine. Just two decent humans, unassumingly wandering about in our respective perfect pairs of shoes.

It seems so obvious, so easy. But I'm not that brilliant. Sure, I'm working towards a PhD in physics, but when I get sad, I can just go and do some math. And there's plenty to be sad about, nowadays, even in the middle of a life that far exceeds my expectations, or wildest wishes. A life that makes me happy, when other things make me sad.

Everything is balance. Everything.

Friday, August 23, 2013

Sinking

Are we supposed to be ashamed of everything, now? Of our bodies, our choices, our thoughts? The things over which we've thought and prayed; the things for which our hearts beat? The cruel realities of our pasts, and our most precious, fragile, hopeful wishes for our futures?

I'll have no part of that.

"If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking."

I'm sinking in God's grace, in growth, and in life. Sinking into deeper depths and out of the shallows. Finding creative ways to be genuine. Pulsing every second. Probing along with curious, careful fingertips. Learning to accept myself, to love myself, to embrace myself. 

I won't own any more shame. I can't afford it.

Sunday, August 11, 2013

Slam

See, people like me, 
from day one, 
have felt like some unwelcome side effect of a pill
that was supposed to make them feel so good inside
but instead
it deteriorated their entire selves
in exchange for a brief moment of pleasure,
of solidarity.

And people like you have made people like me feel worse
for decades after that
and decades
and even now.

Because, see, we as a society have convinced ourselves 
that the inside of a mailbox
or something that has been dead for 30 million years
or money
is more important than the pulsing inside of a
currently breathing
human being
and her soul.

Daughters of the universe, be strong.
Be aware.
If my daughter ends up
in jail for any length of time,
I want it to be the result of her standing up
for her beliefs
her convictions;
unafraid and unshaken
by the foolish screams around her.

This is something that I understand.
How awful it feels
to lose your community
your foundation
because you have done 
what
was
right.
And then I will know what to say 
to her
in encouragement.

Because you, in your irrelevance,
your lack of perspective, 
your lack of vision,
scribble your judgments 
and your hatreds
onto rectangular scraps of paper

and you take your words to the bank
and you pull them out of your
back pocket
but I know from whence they really came
just around the corner

and you take your words up to the counter
but you can't cash that check, baby.

It's going to bounce.

Now watch me do the same thing.