Thursday, August 18, 2011

Rewind Again

I'm wide awake. Probably because it's only midnight. Probably because all of the things that I've done today can be encompassed into three things: movies, driving, chocolate. Probably because I'm about ten hours away from seeing one of the most treasured people in my life, finally, for the first time since May.

I always invent an issue. I can't decide whether or not I feel like crying...probably not. There's nothing wrong. Life is beautiful. It has been all summer, apart from feeling lonely, but that's just a little drop in the bucket. It was short-lived and no big deal. Here's the truth: I'm fine. I'm not an alcoholic. I'm not pregnant. I'm not in love. I won't be. (Maybe that's it.) I'm not completely broke yet. I'm only a little stressed, but I think the prospect of what is to come is getting to me. I need to find my planner and my checkbook before 10AM. I need four jobs and two majors. Life, just life, is knocking me out again because I spoiled myself all summer by getting paid to do what I love and couch-hopping and being absolutely free like I have to be. So...doing life like it always is? I don't want to. I am excited for what's to come, but I don't want to feel the breaking point anymore. I'm frightened of it. That's lame. It's the truth. I hate the person that I am during school. I chose to take over the basement in our house so that Casey and Chelsea wouldn't have to witness that selfish heap of stress, and so I could quietly pass out over of a physics book next to an empty bottle of No. No?

It's hard to erase the word 'inevitable' from my mind. It's a damn lie, but I always felt that I'd never take the easy way out. And that's the easy way out. Is it?

Time to come back up. This post is about the rest of my trip, as wonderful and free as it was. I'm not telling stories here, just pasting cities together with words. I don't want to novelize this. I just want you to have a taste. I want you to ask me first, and I'll have a story for you then.

Here goes.

Tampa/Miami: new cousin, plenty of music, plenty of food and such, meeting relatives and understanding a whole lot more about myself.

Baton Rouge/New Orleans: family, stomach flu, sleeping in bathtubs and on floor tiles, bayou, quicksand, Bourbon street, aquarium, hurricane, a bite or two of cajun food, a new home.

Nashville: seeing family away from family, newlyweds, new lives, mountains, Music Row, Jesus, booze, country music, "the best ice cream ever", having a hilarious 10 hours.

Madison: one sorely missed roommate, State Street, pi cutter, bacon, mustaches, pickles, dresses, fro yo, Lucille Ball, music room, finally singing together again, learning new songs, taking pictures of Epic, finally filling up at Speedway again.

Chicago: parking my car, leaving it for four days, packing clothes in a purse, getting poured on, not knowing exactly where I was going to sleep, having somebody come through for me every night, seeing dear old friends, seeing dear new friends, Mag Mile, Navy Pier, obligatory Bean picture, subway, Just a Touch of Love, Belmont on the blue line, Stella's, Ragstock, vintage thrifting, rooftops, hookah, bubbly, living.

Then home. Then up north to get beached and burned and rubbed and water logged again. Now home.

Next: new home.


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