Tuesday, September 07, 2010

Prying Open

Welcome to September. It's ridiculously windy up here, anywhere between four and six stories high, in my half-glass cube. Reminds me a bit of my post-tornado fright, especially sitting in a living room during a blustery Irish winter some years ago.

Anyway, school is back in nearly-full swing. I've finally fixed my schedule after dis-enrollment, which is a lovely thing in and of itself. Lately I've just been filling up and filling out my time in hopes of having a semester that in no way resembles spring of this same year. Only because I am a person that in no way resembles the person I was during spring of this same year.

On that subject, as of today another individual has had the opportunity to experience the story of what really happened this summer. Not the fact that I had a phenomenal job, met extraordinary people, jumped sand dunes, crashed into waves, or discovered a beautiful Depression-era theatre--although the Depression has a great deal to do with my real story.

As it turns out, I've been much more open with people than I've ever been. Just because I'm completely shame-free. Every time I've told somebody what really happened, I began with my usual disclaimer of "okay, I know this is completely weird but..." or "this is a crazy story, but it's absolutely real, I promise". After that, it becomes the choice of the listener as to whether or not the story is believed. Every time, though, the story has been received with open ears, hearts, minds, and arms. Because it's incredible. It's unexplainable. Because these are people that I love and trust; people who love and trust me back. In the words of todays recipient: it's so "moving".

People ask me, as a scientist, how I feel about something that I can't find any logical explanation for. I tell them that I don't care. I don't care that I can't crunch the numbers or find equations to make this fit. I don't care that it doesn't make sense. It is finally something that sets me free and allows me to breathe, move, dance, smile, share without being chained to a shipwreck at the bottom of the sea. It worked and it's real and it doesn't make sense, but I don't care about that. This scientist can't make an equation this time, just a reality.

So, it would be nine weeks today. It doesn't make any sense. That's why it's a miracle.


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