Friday, January 15, 2010

Holy Chaos

Back to bedlam, indeed.

But I did find the time to nap today; bury myself under covers and rest muscles that hate me after four miles jogged this week...on top of a gaping wound on my foot. And I also like how everything came together like some divine purpose or plan.

Speaking of some divine purpose or plan, and of finding the time to do things, I actually read some of an actual book. For fun, not for class; even though I did receive my Classical Mechanics textbook today and it was ever so tempting to snuggle up with a chai tea and read about projectile motion. In reality, I piled on the foods that really don't go together and read a couple chapters of The Shack.

Up until the part where "God" came. He came in the form of three different people...three different entities...different from anything that I've ever read about in my life. I like it.

God has felt like so many things to me; loyalty, redemption, forgiveness, freedom, fulfillment, chills up and down my spine. I can only attempt to perceive things the way He can. But sometimes God feels far off in the distance, comfortably saving the world from a throne way upstairs, letting me keep to myself. Sometimes He's so obvious I can't stand it. He likes to smack me over the head so that I get it, I get it. Lately, though, He's left me alone or, rather, I've left Him alone.

But when Mack goes up to the old shack, God appears as a middle-eastern Jesus, as an Asian woman who collects tears, as a motherly black woman. (And here I am thinking: "God is a woman? I knew it!!") Honestly? It brings things together for me. It brings me closer when I was the one who was distant. It brought the chills back for a second. And then the peace.

Maybe God isn't just that grandfatherly figure, the one we picture through a glass window, the one we try to reach out and touch but can't fully grasp. Maybe God is every wonderful thing, every wonderful character. Maybe He's much closer than it feels like sometimes. Maybe He actually does understand; certainly He does understand. Certainly.

It's a nice feeling.


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