Friday, December 18, 2009

Surprise and Remark

I just realized that I have absolutely no record of my life written down since November the 9th. However, I cannot say that much has changed since then; merely names, dates, events, thoughts, feelings, words. Nothing of massive significance. Nothing that Milankovich would find too terribly interesting.

Today, though, is of the highest significance for me because it is the day of absolute liberation. Freedom. Release. Detachment from caring about academia, I suppose, and absolute lack of anything severely important to do. What now? Hibernation. Rejuvenation. Mending of the soul. Things like that.

As usual, awfully theatrical. What to expect, though, from a woman just fresh out of way too many credits? I've decided that I don't care how long undergrad takes me, within reason, because it's just not worth it. I'd rather do well than alright. I'd rather not feel the things that I was feeling this week. The itching, burning, dizzy, nauseating feelings that bombarded my existence. The what-ifs and have-tos and not going outside for three straight days. Human beings can't live that way, they can't even survive that way. I refuse, I refuse, I refuse.

So after spring of 2010, I bite the bullet. The bullet that's made out of time. Bite, chew, digest time. Take time. Taste time. Take and taste my sweet time.

Why? Because I remain unconvinced that the world will end the year that I'm theoretically supposed to graduate. Rubbish. And even if the world does end that year, I could not care less. I still live my life such that it is brimming over with...fulfillment.


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