Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Panic Eve


It's been worse, yeah, but on a shorter timescale...ish. Biggest one last year: 18 hours. Never four days. Never. I've never never felt this dark for this long, or at least not in a while.

So there's an excerpt from the Vagina Monologues, I suppose, from one Latina to another. Something about a short skirt. A short, empowering skirt. A short, empowering skirt and how everything underneath it is mine. MINE.

So auditions are Sunday and Monday, but I think I've decided that my mental well-being can't take much more of that. It might be too much. One more tiny pick-axe chipping away at my soul. Don't need that.

Because moods have been low. Spirit is in denial and distant. Intelligence took a dive. Panic symptoms higher than usual. I can't cry. So what is the deal?

Beats me. In all forms.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Funny Things

Here's how it seems:
I live in a cube.
I live in a cube with a girl and a lizard.
I leave my cube to go to Physics in the morning to learn about Electromagnetism.
I leave Physics in the morning to go to Sociology or Biology to learn about the Ecosystem.
I leave Sociology or Biology to go to Calculus IV to learn about Differential Equations.
I leave Calculus IV to go to Astronomy to learn about Cosmology.
I leave Astronomy to go to Choir to learn to use my Voice.
I leave Choir to go to Work to Teach Algebra.
I leave Work to go to E5M to Promote Social Justice.
I leave E5M and go back to my cube to do Homework and Things.
I live in a cube.

Here's how it is:
I live in a polygon.
I live in a polygon with a friend and a pet and a coffee maker and lots of pictures.
I leave my polygon because I haven't the slightest idea how to master Electromagnetism.
I leave EM because life is precious but friends are better, and everything is interrelated.
I leave again because math can be learned, can be solved; it's possible.
I leave math to go to a class in which I laugh and click and relieve stress.
I leave that to sing at the top of my lungs with beautiful people.
I leave rehearsal to learn from my students; to feel important.
I leave work to mix my passions with the passions of others; to stop a crime.
I leave to go back to my polygon; back home.
I live at home.