Wednesday, April 29, 2009

How Much, How Fast

I'm kicking Facebook to the curb for the time being, even though this note will still filter in to it automatically. Don't let it fool you. Crystal changed my password, anyway, so I couldn't get on even if I really wanted to.

Figured I should write something; it's been a whole twenty days. (GASP) I know. Truth is, I've been so busy with and without school that...I don't even know what to tell you. Here's the thing. In 26 minutes, I'm going to my last chemistry lab. I only have to work my job for three more shifts, that's twelve and a half more hours, that's a lot of dishes and salad. At 9:15 on Tuesday night, my work jeans will turn into my newest pair of summer shorts. It's exciting.

I guess I realized that I'll have to come to terms with not being awesome all the time. Sarcastically, really. It's possible to rock at something and suck at it later; likewise, it's possible to suck at something and rock at it later. It's all in the variables, people. All in the variables.

But I think that every time I got a little green box, every time I picked up a glitter glue pen, every time I printed off a photo, every time I printed off a paper, every time I smelled my little pink carnations, every time I check something off of my window-marker to-do list, every time I laugh so hard that it hurts...these are the small victories that have come to define and inspire my life. So what if I can't focus on the big picture? I want the small things. The important things. The things that help me deal, the things that help me survive.

I want sunburns. Pianos. Tension rods. Laughter. A severe lack of Chemistry lab and Physics. Flowers. Friendships. Anything that gives me a reason to roll off of the futon in the morning. Anything.

I am so in hate, so in love with this.


Thursday, April 09, 2009

Blind Karma

Caitlin, Crystal and I were strolling down the sidewalk when we noticed all of the little patches of sneachta lying around and refusing to melt. So we kicked them, we stomped on them until their brains spilled onto the sidewalk; the clear blood splattered and seeped into our shoes. And people, shocked, looked at us in disbelief and horror. Nobody talked to us. We didn't care. We were laughing together; the merry murderesses, killers in tandem, bosom slayers with a mean, mean kick.

But then we walked to Physics, and Physics did the same thing to us.

Oh well. I guess it makes sense. Somebody In Charge, at Some Point, said Something to the effect of this: Whosoever kills by the sword will die by the sword.

So I guess that can be a phrase which here means: Whosoever murders sneachta on the way to Physics class will be absolutely slaughtered by Physics class.

I wonder why we didn't think of that before...


Wednesday, April 01, 2009

April Fails

Instead of finishing my chemistry homework, or starting my physics homework or my humanities paper, or reading that book again, or recovering from failing my physics exam, or checking and re-check-checking my chemistry lab report, or thinking about going to get fingerprinted, or anything anything that I need to do, I'm going to write here.

Because I fail.

Something has been vibrating and banging above our heads since eight o'clock this morning. I figure it's either construction or very painful sex. Very.

On top of that, apparently, my roommate left in an ambulance last night and spent the better half of it in the hospital; I didn't even wake up...good one, Becca.

I can't help but thinking that I'm not cut out for this at all. It's school. It shouldn't be this difficult to comprehend or succeed at. I have a hard time believing that I'm so lazy that I can't even do my best, but who else can I blame but myself?

Stop blaming. Move on.

Fail more.

This post isn't even worth posting.