Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Killing Time While It's Killing Me

I have realized that there is little I enjoy more than walking around campus by my lonesome. Sounds strange, but it's actually quite true. Sure, I like to spend vast amounts of quality time with the people with whom I share my existence, but really all I wish for is a blue sky against ripening leaves set to bake at 350 degrees for two hours with a little Regina Spektor.

So to speak.

Henceforth, I am going out now; perhaps wishing for someone to accompany me, but knowing that this is a journey that would most prudently be made alone.

As I mentioned in a similar medium, "shopping for enlightenment".

Will be back shortly.

Delicious.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Don't.

It is refreshing to be able to spend time with people after extended periods of, well, just Facebook. Lovely evenings, lovely afternoons like such are so much more valued now that I'm out. I never realized how much I missed some people, some things until I left them.

Now. I'm extremely lucky, because the vast majority of said things are fifteen minutes down Grand River Avenue.

But I'm not avoiding my home town like the Black Plague as I thought I might.

(Sigh)

What else?

Oh, classes are legit I suppose. My schedule goes from hectic to boring in a matter of seconds. I've eaten a ton of hummus and ice cream. Not mixed, of course, but maybe I'll try that just to add spice to my life. Movie nights are, like, the most exciting thing that can happen. That and study groups, which incidentally turn out to be huge laugh-fests of intelligence.

So I'm just chill. People keep asking me, and I keep telling them. I like it here.


***

And on another note...

Just please...do not abandon me. Please don't.

Delicious.

Sunday, September 07, 2008

Consciousness in Tow

Here I sit, two guitars to my rear and flute in lap, staring into the plastic and lifeless eyes of Mr. Edgar Allan Poe as I type the symphonies my life has composed once more.

So those of you who actually read and follow this nonsensical shite, listen up.

College is an excellent diversion. I have found myself searching for the melancholy because it hasn't been handed to me on a silver platter, as I am accustomed to. Rephrase: nothing here is wrong; if I want anything to be wrong I have to find it myself.

That's a silly thing to say.

I've realized that I require myself, for better or for worse, to be fighting some sort of internal battle constantly because that is how I thrive. There is most likely a technical term for that, but since the title escapes me I'll assume this one: I'm a girl posessed, for lack of a better phrase. At home, I fight. Here, I'm feeling a touch empty because there's nothing deep to conquer; no demons to will away or tears to dry.

It rocks. It's strange.

I owe it all to Chemistry. I owe it all to Physics. I owe it all to Calculus.

I owe it all to Miss Monroy, Miss Soronen, Miss Butler, Mr Przytulski.

I owe it all to Miss Fedewa, Miss Sierzega, Miss Shipman.

I owe it all to diversion.

Diversion is here in college; diversion is what I thought I wanted. Now I have it, and I wonder where the sorrow went. It isn't negative now, it's just different. In a previous existence where there would always be some dark matter to keep at bay, it's strange to plunge into a place where such things are minimal or absent.

Starting fresh.

It's wonderful, but what is the value of a fighting spirit with nothing to fight? Or, perhaps, it is only the theatrical spirit that has convinced itself that it is a fighting spirit. Either way, college is diverting; diversion is confusion.

I wonder how it got to be 1AM so quickly.

Delicious.