Saturday, August 16, 2008

Honesty From a Chimichanga

Today is technically the last day living fully in my parents' house and I'm in love with this concept. Finally, I am about to taste the freedom I've been yearning for, be it equivalent or different from the way I have pictured it. I have siphoned out of my room most of my material posessions and have made it quite clear that I intend to...oh for crying out loud. I sound like a liberated, bombastic buffoon.

But I am. :]

I have, however, been thinking a little. I think I might leave my past behind me now and start fresh. It sounds cliche, but I am determined to find enlightenment and closure. This is the blank script to which I am allowed to write my own magnificent play. Why should I stick to every little detail that I have planned thus far? I should know by now that making plans is futile; the more I make, the more obstacles blockade my intended path.

So really, being an Astrophysics major just makes me sound intelligent. I am intelligent, but I know where my heart really lies. I am an Astrophysics major because I refuse to abandon my intellect or desire to learn. I am an Astrophysics major because I want the sky. I want to understand it; I want to explore it and feel its majesty. I want to solve its mysteries. I want to have the ability to wrap my mind around what others cannot, and then take comfort in teaching and explaining.

But then heart lies on stage. I am an actress because I am always happy while portraying somebody else. I am an actress because I feed upon the energy of an audience. I am an actress because I am damn good at it. I want freedom and I find it there.

There is no reason why I cannot do both. I intend to do both. Astrophysics for a carreer, theatre for the ecstasy. Pulling double-shifts have worked so far, but truth be told? My grand scheme is nothing compared to what my life will actually be. If I have to abandon these precious ambitions to an extent, I will be just fine. To be honest, I'd be content living alone in the country, city, suburbs. I'd be happy staying in any place with a theatre down the road and a million stars at night. After all, that's all I wanted in the first place.

As for plans? Rubbish. I have ideas now, not plans. My idea is this: I'll dance to the music that my life composes, improvising the entire time.


1 comment:

Kelly said...

People should never limit themselves to doing one thing. Do as many things as you possibly can to make you happy. You're lucky you're talented, dedicated and smart enough to do both. I love you, and I'm so glad I got to see you last night. I hope we'll have many visits. Good luck this year, sweet pea:)