Monday, June 09, 2008

The Few Things That We Know

Introductory disclaimer: Mr Alec J.-I do hope that you will not file the following blog under "tacky" or "crass". I shall do my best to avoid using diction that would make it so. :]


So. In my foggy post-graduation days, I feel as if I have been floating in a void of, for lack of a better word, confusion. There are so many things that I have to do; there are so many bridges to cross that I haven't even made it to yet.

I asked Mr Dillon Lacina if he felt as if the summer after junior year was the last summer he'd ever have. He thought so, and so do I. All we had to worry about was senior year in the fall, and that was hardly a worry but rather a yearning to speed the clock and get to the glory. However, now I am stuck with my big-girl pants around my ankles, to put it bluntly, and I have yet to pull them up.

Late-blooming is normalcy for me, although I have done my utmost to hide it; there lies the big secret, everyone. I'm always late for growing up, in a real-world sense, and often feel as if I've missed something. Hence, I am caught in a "me-do" phase and end up screwing up, royally.

But much of the "me-do" is actually necessary. At this point, I actually am being thrust into the real world; I actually do have to fend for myself. It excites and frightens me simultaneously. However, with so much responsibility on my shoulders and so many things I would like to do this summer, I need help. I need it and I have gotten it and I am grateful for it.

Now all that remains is to take it, use it, and reap its benefits. It seems so tedious; so difficult...but I know that it isn't. In the ideal situation, which is what I'm aiming for, time will be gracious to me and give itself to me. I am always yearning for more time.

Sometimes, I am ill-equipped and I know that I hardly have a handle on anything at the moment, but all of this is just life; such is life and so it will be. So it has been and so it is, but in the words of Miss Kacy Crowley: "There's one last thing I need to get a handle on: People can love you and still do you wrong."

How right, oh how right she is. Perhaps when I am able to grasp the small matters of life and growing up, perhaps when I can finally get my big-girl pants on, then I will perhaps be able to get a handle on that one last thing.


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