Monday, June 30, 2008

Take Two

"...some doubled-over with our worldly pains..."

What a descriptive and full quote. It's amazing how much truth spills forth from this fragment of a Kacy Crowley song.

I can't explain why. If I did try, I'd just sound like a pity party and nobody likes that.

Simply this, though: we are doubled-over. There is so much to carry; there always has been for as long as I can remember now. How can we not be doubled-over? It's so heavy. It's all so heavy; mine and ours. It's all so strange and although it's so unfortunate, we find ourselves with so much junk that we don't need. In the midst of the poverty, we're living like kings and queens.

I'd trade it for stability, for happiness.


Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Some Kind of Syntax

In a final and inspired attempt to write something profound, here I am without a single thought-provoking word. And on top of that, the amount of pre-edited typos in the previous sentence surpasses any I've ever seen in my life, thanks to my suddenly neurologically challenged digits. Oh well.

So I love to stare at my reflection in the window because somehow a soft and dim outline of my features is so much more sexy and mysterious than anything I see in the mirror. My hair always looks better in a window. I wish I could figure out what to do with it tomorrow, though I suppose it doesn't matter. I have idiot orientation tomorrow and I severely doubt that anyone will be giving serious contemplation to my curly mane.

God, I wish it felt like summer. Instead it feels like a mix between a lonely pile of mulch and hysteria with a side of survival mode. What ever happened to running through the grass bare-footed with the sun kissing my back and closing my eyes and spinning around and falling in to cool eternity? Only it wasn't eternity. It was about five minutes, actually, when life felt like summer; life was as it should be. Summer is pure freedom. Without freedom, summer is only existence. And we're only existing.


Monday, June 16, 2008

Setting Sail

Guess what?
  • Dude. Last night I wrote my first guitar song. It sucks out loud. :]
  • All hell has broken loose because Mother Nature is officially in menopause.
  • I've finally pinpointed my own personal mentall illness...maybe. Either I'm totally loco en la cabeza or it's just PMS...but since there's an option I'm pretty sure it's just PMS. Go me, I guess. :]
  • I'm totally a legit puppeteer now, as of yesterday. Rock on!
  • Casey and I are finally learning how to dance; yay! And on that subject...
  • I saw our choreographer at Jessica's open house. Small, small world. :]
  • The forecast for the future is gloom and doom as people are already talking about The Greater Depression coming soon. How inconvenient; it comes at the exact time I need $6500. HAH! It's punishment for something, I know it. But then again, I'm being selfish; I'm not the only gal who needs cash. Who doesn't? :]
  • There might be dirt engraved into every showing nook and cranny of my skin because of my choice of summer labor, but on that subject...
  • I might turn out to be a cleaner, trim little Trainer Brat, or whatever they call us nowadays. Hooray!
  • I think I've gone a record amount of time without eating a single Rothbury Farms brand crouton. Cray to the zee, for sure.
  • I have to remember to buy a couple square acres of the moon so I can move there when The Greater Depression comes to kick my ass. Well, good thing I'm majoring in Astrophysics so I'll know exactly what to do!
  • Seriously. What's a girl to do? I guess I could sit in the middle of the road and shake my fist at The System, but figuratively that's exactly what I have been doing. Well, time to roll up my sleeves and fix it myself.


Monday, June 09, 2008

The Few Things That We Know

Introductory disclaimer: Mr Alec J.-I do hope that you will not file the following blog under "tacky" or "crass". I shall do my best to avoid using diction that would make it so. :]


So. In my foggy post-graduation days, I feel as if I have been floating in a void of, for lack of a better word, confusion. There are so many things that I have to do; there are so many bridges to cross that I haven't even made it to yet.

I asked Mr Dillon Lacina if he felt as if the summer after junior year was the last summer he'd ever have. He thought so, and so do I. All we had to worry about was senior year in the fall, and that was hardly a worry but rather a yearning to speed the clock and get to the glory. However, now I am stuck with my big-girl pants around my ankles, to put it bluntly, and I have yet to pull them up.

Late-blooming is normalcy for me, although I have done my utmost to hide it; there lies the big secret, everyone. I'm always late for growing up, in a real-world sense, and often feel as if I've missed something. Hence, I am caught in a "me-do" phase and end up screwing up, royally.

But much of the "me-do" is actually necessary. At this point, I actually am being thrust into the real world; I actually do have to fend for myself. It excites and frightens me simultaneously. However, with so much responsibility on my shoulders and so many things I would like to do this summer, I need help. I need it and I have gotten it and I am grateful for it.

Now all that remains is to take it, use it, and reap its benefits. It seems so tedious; so difficult...but I know that it isn't. In the ideal situation, which is what I'm aiming for, time will be gracious to me and give itself to me. I am always yearning for more time.

Sometimes, I am ill-equipped and I know that I hardly have a handle on anything at the moment, but all of this is just life; such is life and so it will be. So it has been and so it is, but in the words of Miss Kacy Crowley: "There's one last thing I need to get a handle on: People can love you and still do you wrong."

How right, oh how right she is. Perhaps when I am able to grasp the small matters of life and growing up, perhaps when I can finally get my big-girl pants on, then I will perhaps be able to get a handle on that one last thing.