Saturday, March 29, 2008
I took this day and did almost nothing with it; I suppose I feel that way because there was no school, no theatre, and no water polo to clog the hours. I did get some things accomplished, but still I feel just as spiritually, mentally, and physically sick as if I were just a bump on a log.
I wonder if I'll finally get to escape. I have no rational reason (besides my ultimate yearning) to leave like I had hoped. Call me absolutely insane, but I'd love to get out of the house after graduation only to leave the perpetual screaming that goes on between the kids. I wish I was allowed to grow up. Held back am I, always. Always. Always. There are no exceptions. Waiting, waiting, waiting with a big black "MEDIOCRE" slapped on my forehead. Perhaps I am addicted to being busy because it counteracts the waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting.
But it doesn't always have to be about me, and this is just ridiculous nonsense, but it is my life, my future... isn't it? This is a situation in which I know what I want. No, dad, I don't care whether I drive a Cobalt or an Ion, gold or silver, black or red...but yes, dad, I do know where I want to live next year.
Back to Blanche: If I don't get out now, I don't know when I ever will.
Perhaps it might be prudent to cease this preposterous presumption that I have no time left. God willing, I have years and years ahead of me. God willing, I may fill those years with as much freedom as I please. Oh...it feels so good to be free. I just hate to wait for it, because I am addicted living for the moment.
But blessings in disguise are raining down, and like they do, they are confusing, soothing, disappointing, loving, and enlightening me. So I think I'll grab on to one of them and wait to see where it leads, and I'll soar with it until another flies toward me.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Whether her story was true or not, my heart just broke for her. As dad and I drove on, she never left my mind. There she was on the corner in the snow. Though there was a possibility that she might have been just scheming for pity money, her image still haunted me. There she was...waiting for mercy but expecting to be scoffed at and ignored. There she was eating the entire Humble Pie so that she and her baby could survive. I had to do something.
I wanted to cry for her, but crying does nothing but provoke useless emotions. I felt so guilty; I had come home to a full refrigerator after shopping for the perfect Chevy Cobalt all morning and she was wishing for a scrap of bread and a diaper...maybe. She could be a liar, but regardless, she was alone on a street corner and I had to go back.
So dad and I went back to Meijer. Dad wanted to be completely sure (or at least more sure) that she wasn't just a street urchin begging, so he rolled down the window and asked her if she would rather have a gift card or diapers. She smiled, hopefully, and said she would like size 2 diapers. We were convinced. This woman was legit.
The delivery of her gifts was up to me, so I walked down the sidewalk after our purchases and delivered them to her. She didn't look at me. There were three or four other bags of diapers which had been dropped there as well, which gave me hope for her. I knew she expected me to drop the bags and run, but I didn't want to. I wanted her to know that...that she was important to me, that she would be alright, that somebody in this frozen world cared.
"How are you holding up?" I asked. "Are you cold?" She replied affirmatively, and I gave her a hug and said I was sorry. Right there...in view of all the cars on Grand River. I gave her what dad and I had brought and we wished each other a happy Easter. Then, after hours of standing on her pillar of shame, somebody picked her up in a junkyard car and she left.
I don't wish to tell this story in order to gain personal praise or recognition. I just wish to tell it because...she's not the only one. Why she resorted to this method of helplessness I may never know, but I would have felt terrible if...if nobody helped her at all. She is a human being who is in trouble; aren't we all? Don't we all need somebody to lift us up now and then? Why should we ignore her when we would hate to be ignored and left on the street corner all alone? We can't change the world, but we can change her life.
So if you pray, keep Grand River's Fantine in yours. I don't know where she is right now, but if she has prayers from all of us holding her up, poverty hasn't a chance with her.
Happy Easter :)
Friday, March 21, 2008
Quite a number of monumental events have occured in the past few weeks.
Monumental event #1: Brighton Beach Memoirs opened and closed. It was a fantastic show; the last one in high school that I will take completely seriously.
Monumental event #2: I joined the Water Polo team. Enough said there.
Monumental event #3 is just too big to type for the likely reason that the keyboard might just spontaneously combust. Perhaps I shall enlighten at a later time.
So...today I colored Easter eggs so gorgeously, but honestly...overall it hasn't been a particularly gorgeous day. To add icing on the cake of yearning and constantly different wavelengths, it snowed three inches. Correction-- is currently snowing three inches. Just as soon as the grass turned green again and the sun shone bright again. It won't stay long, but I'm so sick of white.
Not a day to beg for pity, but just a discontent-existence day. That's all it is, so don't cry for me, Argentina.
But you know what? It's looking up already. Pancakes for supper. :]
Friday, March 14, 2008
'Tis pi day. Hooray! 3.14159...that song shall be stuck in my head for...forever.
Brighton Beach Memoirs opens tonight. Yay! If only half the cast members weren't on their death beds...boo.
And other things shall be exposed in their own good times.
That's all for now.