Saturday, September 29, 2007

Entirely Audible Sigh

Some days are the kinds of days that one just wants to remember forever. Such days are usually filled with bubble baths, jazz, seeing Venus, the vegetable game, apple pie, and not worrying about the assignments due shortly.

Some days are the kinds of days that one just wants to forget. Such days are usually filled with stuffy noses, uncomfortably hot water, getting stung by a bee, not being able to stop thinking, not being able to taste the pie, and knowing that those assignments are lurking behind just waiting to nip where it counts.

Since today was a mixture of the two extremes, I'd say they kind of cancel each other out and my day was, well, a 'day'. I can handle 'days' in my life, oh I love 'days'. They're just so replete with smiling eyes and so devoid of actual meaning, but it's okay for just once. For just once, I can live a meaningless existence because, you know what? Not mattering doesn't really least not for now. For now, I'll be content with doing the things I'm expected to do, laughing until my stomach explodes, and making something out of...nothing.

I guess it all depends on what I want in that instantaneous moment. for the moment is pretty unpredictable, and that is just precisely what I am.


Wednesday, September 19, 2007

At My Back

I think I can relate to my character in Charlie Brown already when she says: "I was jumping rope and everything was okay...but then it all just seemed so futile."

...and I just realized how old my father looks. For a man of 55, really, these years of hardship have put some age on him.

I recieved a blessing of overflowing joy today. More than one, actually, but this one was really big. I can almost let out a sigh after this one, thank you Lord.

However, it seems so insignificant to your ears, or respectively, eyes. This blessing is only 'big' when it is taken out of the context of the things traveling through my brain at a thousand miles a minute. These are things I never thought I'd think, to be honest. Complete futility, complete disappointment, complete lack of meaning-that's about it. But since I do not relay my sorrow to human beings, it would seem odd to relay my joy as well, because they somehow cancel eachother out. Joy after sorrow is the all-American rehabilitation story that everybody loves. Joy by itself is overrated.

But it couldn't have come on a better day.


Monday, September 17, 2007

Never Fully Dressed

Oh, Lordy, how I love Frank Sinatra. He is the only person I'm truly giddy over, which is really unfortunate since he's been dead for 9 years. Also, he was probably a jerk in real life. He displayed his douche-baggery by divorcing all four of his wives using highly insensitive methods, but the negativities aside, he is the man.

Nice work if you can get it, and you can get it if you try...

Mmmm. Frank.

Moving on...

I've spent this weekend "applying" to college...which is proving to be highly un-stressful. Once I got over the fact I won't be going to Swarthmore any time soon, it was really rather easy. I really should've expected that, I mean, come on. Life is nothing but small frustrations and disappointments, except on Audition Week.

Audition Week was last week, and I say that because all I really did was audition and perform. Monday and Tuesday were the audition workshop days for You're A Good Man, Charlie Brown. Wednesday was auditions, Thursday was callbacks, and Friday was cast list plus my french horn audition for band.

Of course, it went well. How could it not? I don't think I did my best, but nevertheless, I was still cast in the production. It's nice work if you can get it, and I got it because I tried.


Saturday, September 08, 2007

Forward Motion

"To experience

the b i t t e r s w e e t . . .

to taste defeat

then brush my teeth."

I think I'll just waltz around like I own the world with a huge smile plastered on my face. That's a mighty good trick, isn't it?

"Oh, life is grand,

it's very interesting.

I think I understand..."

But I don't understand.

The only thing I know how to do very well at the moment is rather mundanely trudge to AP English to 'discuss' books I 'read'. Then I drag my lazy arse into Spanish II to mingle with the freshmen and sophomores in that lovely class. Then, like a complete mastermind, I gallivant off to AP Calculus to experience the teachings of the wise Mrs. Nelson. Then, of course, I pretend like I'm eating lunch when in reality, whatver I bring is a sad excuse for breakfast at 11AM. After that, I skip merrily to the parking lot to be eclipsed by the shadow of Ms. Kelsey's wings. After arriving late to Psychology, I sit at a desk and pretend to learn about neurons by relating them to my hand and a beer keg. And still no sign of Finnius. Finally, I splurge and allow myself to spend vast amounts of time typing away the answers to my virtual Astronomy homework. Depending upon the day, I shall then make my way to either the parking lot again or the hallowed halls of the choir room. Either way, I'm musically indulged.

Perhaps routine is how I thrive and die at the same time.

Perhaps a lot of things.

Still no sign of theatre, either. Oh, life is sad, but it is very interesting.