Friday, May 25, 2007

Fight and Pray

It seems so tiny and insignificant, but I am so thrilled to be coming back from a real night out for the first time in...a long time. I'm always out, but never a real sit-down dinner in a real Italian restaurant with some real friends. Everybody wants something real, right? I do.

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Lately, my lunches have been spent trying to keep those crabs alive. Pump has a piece of gravel stuck in her shell, and she won't for the life of her let me anywhere near it. We'll just hope for the best...because if anything happens to those babies I'll have to deal with the emotional break down of a certain 32-year-old high school band director who loves them more than anything in the world. Ugh. The things I get myself in to. :)

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It's been a lovely two years and two months since I've started this blog 250 posts ago. Oh, the people I've met. Oh, the places I've gone. Oh, how we've grown. Oh, how I love you all.

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Monday, May 21, 2007

Had It Comin'

The number of things I must accomplish grows larger as I speak, but so does the number of things I have accomplished. I've had an exceptional weekend, all things considered.

On Friday, Courtney, Casey, and ET threw a surprise party for Mary, which was absolutely lovely. It had been a while since I've had that much fun. The guys made us pasta and served us dinner and everything...marvelous. :)

Saturday, I went to the Art Festival with Chelle, grandma, Aunt Lila, and Aunt Jenne. That was pretty sweet; art festivals in general are amazing. It's also pretty rare that I get to hang out with my sweet relatives, so there ya go.

Chelle, Aunt Janet and I went to see Chicago at DeWitt HS which was beyond amazing. It looked like such a fun show to do, although it would never ever fly at my school. Even so...


Sunday was the banquet, and Amy, Hannah and I gave Ms K her hermit crabs named Sump and Pump. She took it awkwardly and amazingly well...she was so excited. Funny. The band has its own pets. :)

***

There really ain't much to say. Just been thinkin' about some things lately. Lots of what-ifs, lots of have-beens, lots of nonsense.

Maybe the biggest thing is a certain tiny little realization I made today. I'm not the only one with secrets. What a concept. I've gotten so used to taking everybody a face value and chastising myself for hiding certain things that I've forgotten that everybody else has secrets too.

Good Lord.

Not much, but it's enough to occupy my mind for a few minutes. Doesn't take a lot to occupy my mind.




That's all I've got today.

Delicious.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Bollocks...Figuratively Speaking.

I suppose I could pretend like I spent the past few days learning things; things that might even prove more useful and practical then, say, the quadratic formula or newton's laws.

Of course, finding out that you learned something is only done in reflection. Reflection, in my mind, is muddy to say the least. Not only because of the antibiotics I'm currently on. Because I have a muddy mind, to use a perfectly appropriate alliteration. Or, perhaps, I enjoy over-analyzing and searching for more.

Whatever the reason, I intend to share my findings no matter how true or untrue they may be.

  1. A sore throat will not destroy a performing singing voice, but it won't sound good. It'll be pitchy, dry, and breathy, especially with a solo. Thank goodness for Entertainer's Secret throat spray...and Alan's sensitivity to the Holy Spirit.
  2. I'd really rather improvise and harmonize then plan and be nervous.
  3. It's harder than I thought to apply for a passport.
  4. Lately, ska bands and celtic punk bands have been my closest companions.
  5. A little birdie told me never to abandon, because I'm in the same shoes they were when they abandoned. They unintentionally abandoned, but 'abandoned' is such a heart-wrenching word.
  6. Tissues aren't the only things that make my nose raw. Apparently sunburn is possible in Michigan...again.
  7. Ani DiFranco used to be a target of silly fun-making, but her songs are good. Takes a while to realize that she makes more sense than almost anybody out there.
  8. I have no idea what I've gotten myself into. I know that one can't have a testimony without a test (or an 'imony') but this is ridiculous. So much for vows of silence. Beating the system wouldn't be the most Christ-like way to attack this one. I'll figure it out.
  9. Flying Delta into NYC (and Shannon) is going to freak me out.
  10. Apparently it is prudent for one to practice before a rehearsal. You'd think I would've figured that out by now. Little Miss Performer? Hah!
  11. You.Can't.Trust.Printers.
  12. Lattes won't fix the world. They rob you of $3.60. At least they make writing essays more enjoyable...
  13. I don't know how to behave. Evidently. However, I see no point in lamenting the fact that I act like an idiot in public and people still love me. I lack discretion...but really? I just want to laugh because, in the words of a wise teacher, "Sometimes you just have to laugh, or else you'll cry."
  14. I waste my empathy on fantasies of desperate proportions. Pity...it could very well be directed at the person who needs it most. I've locked that part of myself...the real part of myself that relates and connects. Seems to me like I've gotten into a predicament. I can't very well go off on a missionary adventure with a locked-up soul. I just refuse to be vulnerable again. Work hard to earn my trust, and you'll unlock Becca.

Food for thought? Maybe not...but at least I didn't eat my words before you read them.

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Friday, May 11, 2007

Shadow

Back to Becca, but not in the way I thought.

***

As of right now, Ireland is official, and I couldn't be more excited. As of right now, I'm flying by myself into New York... emphasism on by myself... with a four-hour layover. Not scared. SO excited. Then into Ireland by myself to meet Wally.


You can't even imagine how liberating that is for me.


***

Jazz concert tonight. Out of my five instruments, four were/will be featured this week. Last night was practice for sunday and Alan gave me a solo to the song I hadn't practiced. Good one, Becca. :)


***


I keep myself busy. Playing the part of a lazy, busy teenager. Confused, surviving, achieving. A good kid. Convictions are good, but there is a line. Because of who? Not sure. Again, though, surviving. In survival mode...even when it's not needed. Realization and perfectly large thoughts. I'm anxious to get away.



So I'll pull off a world-class Donalbain and enjoy evey second of it.


Delicious.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Fourteen Plus One (and a Delicious)

SECRET #1: I'm going to Wicked on July 17.
SECRET #2: I'm going by myself.
SECRET #3: I'm going to Ireland on July 21.
SECRET #4: I'm going to find something amazing.
SECRET #5: I just played in a sprinkler for an hour and a half.
SECRET #6: In a bikini.
SECRET #7: I watched home movies of myself when I was 2 and 3.
SECRET #8: I love my dad.
SECRET #9: She is still my shadow.
SECRET #10: She is still my reflection.
SECRET #11: She hasn't fully left me yet.
SECRET #12: She will.
SECRET #13: But she will make sure that I can always find her.
SECRET #14: So that I can feel L-word again.
SECRET #15: Whenever I want to.



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Thursday, May 03, 2007

Moving in a Still Life

What an awful and wonderful oxymoron. It describes me when I'm like this; settling back into a rather mundane routine.

Nothing so terribly exciting, yet nothing so terribly mind-numbing. Regular ol' life.

Next stop: Passport. No... Prom. But I don't care about that. I do care about Passport. Passport (and his good friend, $2200) gets me to Ireland. Prom? That only gets me a ticket to listen to bad music, an early trip to Denny's, and a house full of tuckered-out, couch-bound high school and college kids.

I just hope I have enough juice left in me to care about the rest of the school year. Junioritis? Who ever thought of that?

This kind of blind existence only makes me think of the things to come, because I know there's always a calm before a storm, and a valley before a mountain.

Scary? No. I'm excited. If I could fly, I'd fly away as fast as I could...right now.

Delicious.