Wednesday, April 25, 2007

If And When

I had originally planned to write a post while listening to F Stop Blues so that you all could see me incandescently happy.

But...I've found a new motto. *ahem*

All I want to do is be myself, until myself pisses me off.

I think something like this is true for everybody. I'm human, and I make mistakes, and I'm woman enough to admit it. Absolutely. I made a huge one today, I make mistakes every day. Don't you? I'd be surprised, and also full of awe, if somebody could honestly look me in the eye and tell me that they didn't even make a teensy weensy mistake today.

But it's the two-sidedness I hate. It's hypocrisy I hate. Hypocrisy is my least favorite thing in the entire world, I think. It's worse than rage. Worse than liars, thiefs, adulterers, you name it. Maybe it's just that way for me, but I hate it. I especially hate it when the hypocrisy comes from myself. Again, to the original topic. Myself pisses me off.

But it's okay. I tell myself I'm human, I call her up, I apologize, I ask for a second try. I deal. I just wish I had the common sense to stop myself before I put myself in those situations. She knows I'm human, she answers my call, she accepts the apology, she grants the second try. She deals. Life goes on.

***

Let's go on an adventure, okay? Let's go down deep, deeper inside of Becca.

See her. Fight for her. Carry her. Hold her. Cry with her. Love her?

Herein lies the problem. No problem. Problem-full, problem-free, whatever you are. Just be. Be, and maybe, just maybe, we'll hit it off and I'll trust.

That's quite the stretch, there.

***

Let's go back to yesterday, okay? Let's go all the way past a lost hoodie, a giggly Act III, past the stage make up and bobby pins. Let's go to the Elementary school.

The Elementary school where I supervised Musical Chairs for several Elementary kids. These innocent little children of Jesus. I actually was surprised, but they acted like it. The obnoxious boys who stole my candy bucket came right back when I glared at them and motioned for them to bring it back. It was almost like they'd rather bring it back then take it. One glare, and those buddies listened good. The little girl who fell down and hurt her arm asked if she could run the CD player. Sure. The little kindergarten girls, who I had first, came back at the end of the carnival just so that I, yes, just I, could help them tie their shoes.

I really didn't think that I'd... I was proud of myself. I deal with elementary kids every week at church, but I sit on a piano bench and play their music. The only time I interact with them is when a few little rascals sneak back there to give me a hug or tell me how pretty I look. Thing is... they never know that they make my day.


***

Well... this post was long and theatrical. But you all know how I like it. :)


And PreCalc will forever and always be cheering me up. Ironic, eh?


Delicious.

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