Monday, April 30, 2007

Catch Me Around Here

Our Town, although we seemed to have quite the problem getting more than 30 people in our audience, went extremely well.

It's a little hard for me to say goodbye to a character, at least, now it is. It took me until after the closing matinee to realize that I had really become Julia Hersey. Julia Hersey who loved her husband Frank Gibbs. She was deeply, madly in love with him...although it had been an arranged marriage and she hadn't a clue what she was getting herself into. She had raised two children with him, watched the eldest get married with him, argued with him, agreed with him, everything... everything she did with him, she did out of love with him. Julia Hersey felt things that Becca Robinson had never felt...ever. Becca Robinson is friends with Christian Scott, but Julia Hersey was crazily in love with Frank Gibbs.

I've never analyzed a character quite like Julia. Of course, that may be because I've been a little actress in every other production except for musicals, which don't require much character analysis. Musicals require eccentricity, talent, and spontinaety. Our Town? Required simple, genuine acting.

I've never felt so overwhelmed over closing a play. Once Upon a Mattress was the most fun I've had, but Our Town hand-delivered the most amazement I've ever had. It delivered tears, it delievered sweat, it delievered blood, it delivered smiles, laughter, shennanigans, you name it. Such a whirlwind of things swept me off of my feet at the same time, and I had been so immersed in it that I didn't even realize until we closed yesterday.

Becca Robinson became Julia Hersey and Julia Hersey gave Becca Robinson the chance to feel things that I may never feel as myself. Empathy. How to be a mother. Even... love.

It scared me... yes... I felt the L-word. The L-word. Something I never anticipated feeling... but i didn't. Not as myself, anyway. Julia felt it. Julia had always felt it, so it was natural for her. When Julia left Becca, the L-word left too. Now Becca has a big empty-spot...but all she has to do is wait for the next theatre season to start again.


It's funny... you'd think I'd be lamenting the fact that Our Town was the last play I'd do with this year's seniors, but it was such an amazing experience that I'm just grateful for the memories. As for lament? I miss Julia Hersey-Gibbs. I miss her, but I know that she'll always hold a very special, sacred place in the core of my heart.


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Saturday, April 28, 2007

Unlocked Stage Presence

Opening night of Our Town was absolutely spectacular... :) Mrs. Frawley said it was my best part yet, and I agree.

Casey, Kelly, Courtney, and I successfully made half of the audience cry, ourselves as well. We finally unlocked that part of us that is so powerfully moved by Casey's character.

As for me? It's the first time anybody has seen me cry (for real) in about two years. I mean, it was onstage so it's a little different, but still. It was...empathy.

It would be a dirty lie to say that opening week has been the furthest thing from stressful, but honestly, little to none of the stress came from the actual play. Funny little world, is it not? I think so.






One down, two to go. Come if you can make it.

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Wednesday, April 25, 2007

If And When

I had originally planned to write a post while listening to F Stop Blues so that you all could see me incandescently happy.

But...I've found a new motto. *ahem*

All I want to do is be myself, until myself pisses me off.

I think something like this is true for everybody. I'm human, and I make mistakes, and I'm woman enough to admit it. Absolutely. I made a huge one today, I make mistakes every day. Don't you? I'd be surprised, and also full of awe, if somebody could honestly look me in the eye and tell me that they didn't even make a teensy weensy mistake today.

But it's the two-sidedness I hate. It's hypocrisy I hate. Hypocrisy is my least favorite thing in the entire world, I think. It's worse than rage. Worse than liars, thiefs, adulterers, you name it. Maybe it's just that way for me, but I hate it. I especially hate it when the hypocrisy comes from myself. Again, to the original topic. Myself pisses me off.

But it's okay. I tell myself I'm human, I call her up, I apologize, I ask for a second try. I deal. I just wish I had the common sense to stop myself before I put myself in those situations. She knows I'm human, she answers my call, she accepts the apology, she grants the second try. She deals. Life goes on.

***

Let's go on an adventure, okay? Let's go down deep, deeper inside of Becca.

See her. Fight for her. Carry her. Hold her. Cry with her. Love her?

Herein lies the problem. No problem. Problem-full, problem-free, whatever you are. Just be. Be, and maybe, just maybe, we'll hit it off and I'll trust.

That's quite the stretch, there.

***

Let's go back to yesterday, okay? Let's go all the way past a lost hoodie, a giggly Act III, past the stage make up and bobby pins. Let's go to the Elementary school.

The Elementary school where I supervised Musical Chairs for several Elementary kids. These innocent little children of Jesus. I actually was surprised, but they acted like it. The obnoxious boys who stole my candy bucket came right back when I glared at them and motioned for them to bring it back. It was almost like they'd rather bring it back then take it. One glare, and those buddies listened good. The little girl who fell down and hurt her arm asked if she could run the CD player. Sure. The little kindergarten girls, who I had first, came back at the end of the carnival just so that I, yes, just I, could help them tie their shoes.

I really didn't think that I'd... I was proud of myself. I deal with elementary kids every week at church, but I sit on a piano bench and play their music. The only time I interact with them is when a few little rascals sneak back there to give me a hug or tell me how pretty I look. Thing is... they never know that they make my day.


***

Well... this post was long and theatrical. But you all know how I like it. :)


And PreCalc will forever and always be cheering me up. Ironic, eh?


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Saturday, April 21, 2007

Peel The Freckles

After an amazing week, it's easy to post long ranting sentences like this one, so I'll do it.

BK had us on Phil's radio show. He was IMing him all through theatre rehearsal and asked him to give a shout out to the WHS drama club. Mentioned four names on the air. Mine was one of them. Score. :)

Went to the can&bottle today *sigh* again. Because... I'm virtually broke and can't afford band camp at the moment. :) Dang. Turns out, though, I got to hold the sign for a while before sorting bottles. Hannah, Amy and I went to see the mastodon tooth at Tuesday Books because I've been looking forward to it all week. Guess I'm just cool like that. "Mastodon...hairy and colossal... should become... our state fossil!"

After about four hours of cans&bottles, and literally getting fried, Jenna, Hannah, Amy and I went to Cappuccino Expresso to make our very own mockery-stalker website. It's pretty hilarious... and we enjoyed making it. :)

Then on the way home, we saw this big mean red sports car run over a tiny mouse so we stopped, sang it a song called A Foot Away From Freedom, Jenna videoed it on her phone, and we went home.

That'll be on YouTube.

I hope. :)

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Sunday, April 15, 2007

Why It Is

My middle finger has resorted to a self-induced fever to get rid of that crazy splinter. The rest of my fingers are ice cold. I have a bipolar hand...hooray?

I need an emergency $100. In 12 hours. Any takers?

I always write on my hands. My left hand, actually. Carl Sagan. 7780. Leukophobia. April 22. They're all different, but they all mean the same thing: "remember this".

Fine, I'll be over-analytical. Watch this.

I loved painting that damn bobblehead.

I took a whole hour(ish) out of my life for three whole days. I sat in the back of Mrs. Michelluti's eighth grade art class for three whole days. For three whole days, I played with paint to quench my mid-morning thirst for creativity.

But I realize how much the art kids love it now. I didn't think so, but there's such a huge difference between the art kids, the theatre kids, and the music kids. I thought we were all pretty much the same.

I belong to theatre and music. They take a lot of effort, practice, time, and stress. I guess art takes a lot of the same, but there was a lot more freedom. Theatre and music; they're both free and they're both creative, but there's always such a high-strung degree of...chaos.

I don't know if this is just me being languid in the morning, but I didn't taste any chaos playing with that paintbrush and listening to Corinne Bailey Rae in the background.

I lost myself. And I loved it.

I stayed immersed in that project for the time and I wanted it to last forever...at least until I was finished. I didn't have to speak. I didn't have to look. I didn't have to hear. I just had to be. There's nothing so liberating as art.

And now I miss it.



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Wednesday, April 11, 2007

I Demand Sunshine

Michigan's new fetish is snow. Lots and lots of it. Hello? It's April.

And a crow is pecking at our sunroof. Our snow-covered sunroof.

Oh well. It really wasn't that exciting of a day anyway. I mean, yes, I'll say it; I love school. I like to learn. I like to be able to understand things. I like to hang around my friends. I like using my TA hour to paint a random bobble-head soccer player that Dupuis got for Kelsey. It's a package deal.

But waking up at 3:52 in the AM with a head clogged with sickness was not my idea of a morning. Nor was finally falling asleep around 5. Nor was sleeping through my alarm. Mom woke me up at 6:42 and I made it to school by 6:55. An all-time ninjafied record.

So I was lethargic. But who wasn't?

Easter was amazing. Just like old times. Just like the days before the fall of Becca. It's encouraging, because maybe this means that I'm genuiniely...back?

It's so easy to tell myself that I just want to be apathetic...when really all I want is the chance to bloom. So, come on, Wally; give me the chance to bloom!

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Saturday, April 07, 2007

Fear of Death: Check Check Check

I've done nothing all day but sit around and clean the house. People are coming over tomorrow for Easter.

Easter... which means that I'll be aroused at some unGodly hour to "hunt" for my basket... my basket that I've completely lost interest in and will probably be filled with things that will later clutter my room. Oh well, it's candy. Then I'll drag myself to church dressed in whatever concoction I decide to put on, listen to a service that is not designed for people who are already Christians, drag myself back home, eat lots of food, and drag myself onto the DDR mat to burn it off.

I do enjoy Easter, really, I do. I can hang out with my cousins for the first time since Christmas...but really this is mainly just nincompoopery.

Hopefully I can get the money in time to get a spot. Hopefully Wally is down with my under-agery. Hopefully it was God telling me that he wanted me to find him. I think it was, because what else would give me that kind of reaction? Maybe scene four of RENT. That's about it.

But this is no broadway musical, kid, this is real life. I always seem to forget about that. Real life seems so boring sometimes... so I like to spice it up with fantasies of Dalip Singh being my own personal body guard, and somehow landing in the hospital so I don't have to go to band camp.

So pipe dreams are normal. It's scary when I try to put them into reality, and I get ahead of myself. That's all, I guess.

But the thing is... if I go, I'll find something. I just know it. Then, perhaps, I will have the strength to get through band camp. :) That's the philosophy here.

Oh, and for the love of everything good and holy, if my friggen blog makes you "depressed" then just don't read it. Snowy April days are bad enough. I don't need people prancing around telling me how "depressing" my online journal is. Good grief, you al kill me. :)

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Thursday, April 05, 2007

Cut, Print, Gay.

I'm now down to 9 (plus Chester) since Twitch, Benny, and The Cracken kicked it around the same time. Not sure what's going on there, but I'm not sure it's a huge deal. Chester is still entertaining me endlessly; he insists upon hanging himself upside down because, evidently, it's a more pleasant dining experience for him. Whatever floats his boat, I guess.

I guess it's not much of a Spring Break when one is consumed by all the things that one has to do when the break is over, but I digress. I've had a lovely three days.

Kresge Art Museum, Grafitti, Meridian Mall, pictures, Meet the Robinsons, Subway, Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star, breakfast, Goodwill, Lansing Mall, more pictures, emo phone messages, Longest Yard, Edru.

Chock frickin' full.

However...

I do have some rather big decisions to make this week. I also have some rather big things to take care of this week. I'm not so sure I can do it, but I can try. Of course, I can try.

I guess I could always turn you into a duck. But wait... I don't really need a duck... and I don't really know how to do that.

You Goob.

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Monday, April 02, 2007

Irish Eyes Smiling

All 12 fish are still alive (even after being diseased for a day) but for the first time they look depressed. Ever since I put Chester in, they're just hanging by the surface. Weird. Yeah, Becca, way to get in touch with your 'inner fish', but maybe they're just sore because Chester seems to have this tolerant ignorance to the way they pick on him sometimes. 'They're goldfish,' Chester thinks, 'and they're immature.' He just sticks himself to the castle or the glass, fluffs his fins, and eats.

****

On a different topic...

I want it, but we'll see. If He wants it, then it'll happen. It'll take a miracle, but miracles happen. I just need a little help. So... pray, those of you who pray. Hope, those of you who hope. Imagine, those of you who imagine, and, if you dare? Be ready for a little surprise, those of you who enjoy little surprises.

I've got my trust. I've got my peace. I've got my God. No April Fools about it. :)

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