Die to win, because you're born to lose?
I dont think so. I think you die before you win, or lose for that matter. Because this is what its feeling like now. Like that Natalee girl, and that dead 17 year old girl from Florida, and those children that were murdered, and that missing ADD Bipolar kid from our town. They all have one thing in common, they're either dead or missing.
Makes me kind of mad. I mean, right now I'm basically expecting it to happen to me, or someone I love. Basically the worlds getting worse every day. Makes watching the news really suck. But what also makes me mad is that people have actually come across "Fuck Natalee" websites and such. I mean who is that heartless, other then the people who got her? Might as well be the kidknappers themselves.
Makes me be scared crapless to go to the Jazzfest in Oldtown in Lansing. It's just our capital city, but I'm just so paranoid. I went with Chelle and Kirsten, and Kirsten hated being alone as did I. I still do. Who knows what's out there? Hiding around the corner? Sitting on a bench in the park at night? Been drinking too much? Staring at you in ways you really wish they wouldnt?
Maybe its just paranoia. Maybe its trauma? But it seems a little... late for trauma. I mean its been almost a year... and it shouldnt've hit me so hard. Because I shouldnt've 'blown it up', because it really... I suppose it wasnt so bad? But perhaps it was.
But maybe its all in my imagination. Sure. Why not? I suppose if I expect the worse, maybe it wont happen. These things happen when you least expect them.