Monday, May 23, 2005

MexiCANA... Ole!

So me and Lisa DEFINITELY just did our Spanish Dinner project... HA! It was GREAT! We videotaped some of it... and all that jazz... oh it was wonderful. We made chimichangas, mexican rice, salsa, chips, non-alcoholic margaritas, and mousse.I burned a plastic spoon, well, melted... and Lisa broke a wooden spoon in the blender.

And so my brother got a woodchip in his non-alcoholic margarita.

Oh and me and Lisa had a mousse fight.


Well, my heart is stripping away at last.

First off... friendships? Gone. Things I thought would last didnt. For instance... I'd look at someone... they'd remind me so much of somebody that I wish so much to have again... Oh well.

Is it possible to miss somebody that you cant remember meeting?

If so... thats what I'm feeling. I miss my daddy. My.... actual daddy. Before he went off to the war when I was 2, he gave me a teddy bear. I still have that teddy bear, hold it while I sleep. It brings back things that I never knew... brings the silent things that have passed between us before. So... why do I feel like such a bitch when I hold that frickin teddy bear? I dont know. I feel like I'm betraying those that I have now. I cant just... let go... I dont think its possible.

Well, okay I'm done ranting and such. Tootaloo.


Hilary said...

I see where you're coming from when you think you're betraying the ones you have now. But it might help if you try to talk about it and get those major things off your chest.

on a lighter note

Haha ur brother had a woodchip in his drink!? so great

Becca said...

I know... but talking about it doesnt really work out...

I KNOW the woodchip was hilarious!

Nettie said...

Oh, it was a PLASTIC spoon? I wondered how you managed to melt a real one. But seriously, I wish I had read this sooner. I won't say it here, but you know...ok?

Hannah said...

I know exactly how you feel when you said you think you're betraying you're family. Even though it might feel like you are, you're really not. The family you have now loves you and cares about a whole lot and should respect the fact that you can't let go of things like the teddy bear. Don't let any of those feelings of betryal get to you. You're not doing anything wrong.

Josh said...

Poke the Chimychanga...poke the chimychanga...poke the chimychanga

*secret handshake*

Becca said...

Nettie- yeah, I know.

Hannah- thanks baby, I know you know a bit of what I mean. You never fail me.

Josh- okay... OH I GET IT! You MEANIE! *secret handshake*

Melissa said...

Beautiful Girl...Blessing in my Heart! I have been so self-consumed as of a funk, dry, dark place...feeling far from the clutches of the Savior's arms and haven't been communicating with ANYONE the way I want...those thoughts of betrayal are straight from the EVIL ONE! He is your Dad for goodness doesn't mean that you love your family any less and what they've done for just mean your expanding your perameters...

Oh Spanish Quizenne(msp)...LOVE LOVE LOVE!...I want some!

Katie (Olivena) said...

I know how you feel, I was abandoned too. At least you had a father that actually cared about you. Mine took off.

Becca said...

mel- thanks dear

katie- i know. Its so cool that you and your mom talk though.