Friday, April 22, 2005

Why did you tell me it was my fault?

*breaks down*

It's raining outside. The type of rain you cant see unless you look really hard, but you can see the little ripples it makes on the water. It fits today.

I hate this day. I dont know what it was about it, I was just so sad. During lunch hour I went outside, laid down, and just... cried. I wanted to be sucked in to the ground so that the earth would keep me together. Or else, I'd just fall apart.

I need somebody to hold me together when stuff gets like this. Therefore, I went out and talked to Torey during band. Therefore, I skipped it. I dont even care right now. Miss Kelsey really didnt either.

My friends were bugging me all day... "What's wrong?" "Dont lie to me..." "I'll beat the truth outta you girlie!" "I have no problem skipping class to talk to you"

I love them all, but call me crazy, I dont really want everybody to know what's going on inside of me. (Although a wonderful friend of mine wrote me a lovely poem, I love you sweetie you brighten up my dark days)

Imma party hard tonight... This feeling better go away.

I cant wait for this to end

forever.

8 comments:

Josh said...

I do to know a caleballison and john but you do not know the ones i am tallking about. That entry was deep. FrOm ThE sOuL!!!

Becca said...

It so was...


WHOS CALEB JOHN AND ALLISON???


heehee

jonny ragel said...

keep your head up, little sister. frosh year is ruff. hope you get to chill this weekend.

cheers.

Melissa said...

Do you need to talk love, because I know what it is like to..."want to be swallowed up by the earth just to have it keep you whole", you are on my mind and in my prayers...you are beautiful, amazing, awesome, super, and incredible. How I wish we lived closer...I would take you out and we would have ice-cream, look at cute guys and share some "sistership" time in Christ...Yep!!!

Know that even if you don't share it with anyone else the Father knows and He is always a wonderful resting place!

Katie (Olivena) said...

Becca, dont worry, I completely understand where you are coming from, dont give up hope, and be strong. (like 'ski' did) your light will sine through the darkness of the horrors and nightmares. Look at the positives. Look into having a good time, instead of being depressed and looking off into space... be out there like i know you can be. Luv ya Girl.

Oh, and dont worry about speaking tomarrow, Im sure you will be great.

Becca said...

Johnny Crash- I dunno if I know you but you're awesome. Thanks.

Mel-I love you too hon. I'll prolly email you later.

Katie- thanks alot. I love you too! Hey... have fun at that concert tonight! Rock hard for me, okay?

Love you all

Nettie said...

Johnny Crash is one of mine.

Becca said...

Gotchya