Thursday, March 31, 2005

Easter, Chinese, Hyperventilation, the goods.

Yeah, sorry it's been a while. I tried to update earlier, but this thing was being a butthead. Bleh to that. Heehee...

So First I want to establish that my name is Clementine, Dante Clementine. Yeah, I saw that name on a Winnie The Pooh credits roll and I was like "THATS AWESOME!"

:)

Easter was SUPER fun.... went to the cousins house! I met Mandy's college friends Tiff and Jen. TIFF IS HILARIOUS! She's from Hong Kong. She's so funny! We watched the MSU game... I swear we were all screaming and were on the edge of our seats... wow.

And remember: A picture's worth a thousand words, but a story is worth how ever many words it's told in!!!

SPRING BREAK 2005!!!!!! Parties and CANCUN RESTAURANTS!!!! Wee! OH and maybe Caesarland! Hahaha...

well

thats about it.

LOVE YOU!

~Becca

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

HAPPY BE-LATED EASTER!!!!

So yeah... happy super-belated resurrection-Sunday!!!! WEE!

I heart Easter.

My name is Clementine. Dante Clementine. HAHA I saw that name on a Winnie-The-Pooh credits roll and it was SO cool... it is now mine. YEY!

Easter was a blast... went to Tom and Sue's and hung out with the cuzzies! HAHA! it was great! I also met Mandy's college friends Jen and Tiff. Tiff is SO FUNNY!!! She was born in the US but moved to Hong Kong when she was 6. Then she came back here for college!

We watched the MSU game... it was SO intense!!!! haha

Well, school again. But I am free, thank you Jesus.

For all you Chreasters out there: GO TO CHURCH YOU MORONS!!! Haha... I swear, the Easter service is the most happy, uplifting, and fulfilling service you will EVER hear. WE ARE FREE!

I'm so excited about that... thankyouverymuch.

Its been a week, a day and a half. I'm free.

LOVE YOU!!!

~Becca

Saturday, March 26, 2005

Your fortune SUCKS!!!!

Yesterday I went over to Hilary's after we wrote the best Sprawl research paper ever and lost Hilary's camera by the RR tracks.

We went to the barn and I rode Ninnners, her horse. Hilary says I have good form and if I took lessons I'd be really good. There's just something super liberating about hidden talents that I didnt know I had. :)

I'm up here sick as a dog, nose running, eyes heavy, fingers weak, clogged to the brim, and I have ten million pounds of homework (or so it seems) to do. Therefore, I decided I would drop a quick post to those of you who care, and say goodbye.

There you have it, my quick post and goodbye. :)

Happy Holy Week, LENT ENDS TOMORROW!

love you

~Becca

Thursday, March 24, 2005

Hey Hey, It's a good day.

Eh, good day. :)

I saw the Passion last night with Lisa and Chad. In a nutshell... we were all crying hard by the end. They had the stations of the cross and communion set up too. It was almost overwhelming, but I have no problem with gore so it was just emotional for me.

Today was pretty fun because I spent some time laughing alot with friends while watching Sleepless in Seattle in band. Woah... talk about a run-on sentence just then! :)

I love Disney movies... heehee. Especially Pocahontas and The Emperor's New Groove! Score! Wow, we really need a chick-flick night. We've only been planning this girly oh-my-gosh-my-nail-just-broke night for like three months... This will be fun.

I dont have much to talk about, I'm babysitting my siblings tonight. Long weekend ahead, a bit of homework to fill the time, maybe some time to hang out wiht friends, hopefully. Erin's party on the 1st, cant wait! Easter soon, yey for Lent being over!

Well, happy Thursday/Friday for some of us...

love you

~Becca

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

I hate you, Bambi

This morning I looked outside my window and there was a deer taking a crap in my yard. I just knew my day was going to suck.

Except it didnt, it was mediocre. Yey for today.

Yesterday, Jay said something profound. Leave it to Jay to do that to you.

Jay: I'm about to murder somebody right now.
Me: Well you can start with me.
Jay: NO! NO! YOU LIVE! YOU LIVE AND YOU BE SUCCESSFUL! *smacks my shoulder*

Jay Willard, you might've just saved my life. *winks*

There are so many people picking me up right now... like that one special friend. Actually I've got a few special friends, but this one-gosh. Nobody's ever told me they loved me (and meant it, mind you) as much as this person has. This person actually cares how I feel, and actually wants to try and make my life easier. *sighs* I'm gonna miss her.

Well, I'm off to live the rest of my Wednesday. Crosswalk tonight, watching The Passion. If you wanna come then come.

love you

~Becca

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

In the beginning....

In the beginning, God made the heavens and the Earth. And it was good.

Key word there: WAS. This world is so screwed. It's just something else to ponder. One more reason to miss how things used to be.

Well last night I went out to get coffee with Ann. Yeah, it's definately been about nine months since I've hung out with her. It was really fun, I'm glad we're still friends.

I've had another revelation. Man, revelations suck. You know that lady who doesnt have her feeding tube in because her husband said not to or something of that sort? That freakishly reminds me of Grandpa.

I know you all are sick as hell of me talking about him, but this wont leave me alone. Up until now I really thought that everything would be okay.

Today I realized that the adults weren't telling us the truth from the start. They knew he would never be okay, but they told us he would eventually. I was willing to wait, but now I realize that my waiting will not pay off. People are just waiting for him to die.

Get what I'm saying?

Know what else is creepy? Whenever I look at someone I see HIM. HE's everywhere. I swear... gosh darn it. I'd look at somebody from the side and I'd swear it was HIM. But again I'm just paranoid.

I guess being haunted spiritually was preperation for being haunted physically. Wahoo.

On another note, I'm doing okay with my commitment. I'm taking it a day at a time. This is tough.

love you

~Becca

Monday, March 21, 2005

eh... weekends and smiles too... for once

well i havent updated in a few days, because I was at Brittany's for some and also... i didnt really know what to type.

I've been increasingly stressed out by school... especially English. Three projects at once.... well that does not sound appealing to me at all. At least Hitchcock moved our sprawl project to monday, meaning that Hilary's and my social life wont have to interfere with school. :)

I'm actually in an okay mood. I cant explain how much I love my kids at Choir... :) and my friends are fine too. I mean... its kindof a "whatever" year. I'm just waiting for the next thing to happen.

I feel like I should be doing something. I feel like I'm not getting anything out of life. Maybe I'm supposed to feel like this until I graduate, but it's not very fulfilling.

hmm.

love you

~Becca

Thursday, March 17, 2005

St Patty's and other fun stuff...

Happy St Pattys day to all my fellow Irish... a few bad jokes for the time from Brenden Shibley:

What did the Irish man say when he had stopped drinking? That was the longest five minutes of my life.

What do you call an Irish man going on vacation? Going to a different bar.

*laughs sarcastically*

wow. Way to lighten the mood, Sheebs.

Well I'm off to go paint smiley-faces on my nails. Maybe I'll come back later.

love you

~Becca

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

so... um... how was YOUR day?

Today in first hour, me and Hilary decided how our lives would turn out and how mine would end....

Hilary will live in a trailer by the side of the highway with cats. I will live in a box next to the trailer. When she wants to go somewhere, I will hitch my little box (it has wheels, as it turns out) onto her trailer and I will ride there.

Unfortunately, she hits a blown tire that was in the road and I flip out of my box. I land in the middle of the highway and get hit by a trucker who figures he just hit a deer.

So... how was YOUR day?

:)

love you

~Becca

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

your face it haunts... my once pleasant dreams...

Today was unlike any other day in the sense that I was in a relatively good mood. Last night was tough... partly because of the funeral and partly because Friday was the anniversary of my grandparents' car accident. I spent some time reflecting on what Jenny said at the funeral... and in a nutshell that led me to thinking about Grandpa.

I've had a revelation. It's not nescesarily a good revelation, but it is a revelation none the less. I've realized that my grandpa... he'll just never come around. When it happened at first, I really thought he would be okay. The doctors said that it would be two years.

It's been two years.

Sure, when it happened I was only a dowdy twelve year old... but I still had hope.

I had always thought that he would be able to come to the lake, be able to go swimming with my cousins and I, watch us beach-comb and give us dollars for golf balls that we found, watch us tube and ski, climb avalanche mountain, and go to the 4th of July parade and the fireworks at night. He would eat onion rings and hush puppies that my uncle would deep-fry, and watch his beloved grandchildren have the infamous watermelon seed spitting contest.

I always told myself everything would be okay. But it's not. I guess I'd have to realize it someday.

He will never see the bright blue Lake Charlevoix in summer, likewise never be able to write out Christmas gift tags reading: "To Becca from Grandma and Grandpa, with LOVE"

I can give him all the love I have I suppose... but whenever I am near him it seems like he is a stranger. I dont know him. It's almost like he is dead to me, or I am still waiting to see him after two long years.

I realized that he'll be in there untill he dies. It's hard to think about... it's hard because there has already been so much drama and trauma brought upon my family... I cant bear anything else.

But it looks like the last flicker of hope I had left is... just snuffed out.

love you

~Becca

Monday, March 14, 2005

death is... well... in the air...

I went to Donna's dad's funeral today during 2nd hour... didnt come back till 6th. Lots of people were there: Kika, Beka, Katie Stauffer, Lisa and Amber, Brad, Dan, Kelsey, Reggie, Erin and her sister, the Belangers, Carolyn, Emily H, Kyle, Kostik, Ski, and even Mrs Cockerill and Mrs Mesman. Donna's sister gave the most beautiful speech, it made us all cry.

After the service, Beka and Katie stayed back with Donna so they could go to the burial in Battle Creek. Carolyn went back to school, and the rest of us went out to lunch at Cancun Mexican Grill. I kind of almost broke my lent... my Chimichanga had cheese sauce on it... *angel halo* Oh well. The guys were shooting spit wads and one stuck to the wall *throws up* and I told one of the Mexican waitors that they were my "amor". I got a couple weird looks.

After that, we went to Brad's house so some people could change. Only six of us went back to school, just in time for 6th Hour.

I wouldnt have such a huge fuss if every day was like today. There just doesnt need to be a funeral. :(

love you

~Fanta

ps: Quote from youth group: "GENETICS IN URANUS!"
pps: Happy pi day!

Sunday, March 13, 2005

out of C O N T R O L

you know you're S C R E W E D
when the S A M E thing that makes you S C A R E D
makes you F A L L instead
and you cant B R E A K F R E E
because T I M E cannot E R A S E this

and you C R Y
A L O N E
because you cant T E L L
what this T H I N G is
thats G R O W I N G inside of Y O U
C O N T R O L L I N G you

you A S K for it to G O A W A Y
but there is N O T H I N G anyone can D O
for it to G O
and L E A V E you A L O N E

you're B O U N D
F O R E V E R
because you C A N T let go
of this T H I N G that wont L E A V E

you're D O O M E D
and out of C O N T R O L

goodbye

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Today was fun. I stayed after school with Beverly and Dillon so that Dillon could make up a test. Beverly and I pretty much just wandered around in search of food and money, we ate about 1/2 a bag of Twizzlers from Mrs Nolen. *smiles* Oh that reminds me... I have to get the check of $51.00 for the 17 boxes of GS cookies I ordered... hmm. Time to suck up.

Alright, today Miss Dupuis yelled at me for smiling. Yeah, smiling. I mean, I'm laughing or smiling and it's "BECCA CALM DOWN" or "BECCA ITS NOT FAIR TO EVERYONE ELSE" or "BECCA SEE ME AFTER CLASS!" I seriously dont understand WHERE she's coming from. I'm working hard, and I'm the type of person who laughs at everything. Pudding. *I laugh* Ethyl Acetate. *I laugh* Cheeseburger. *I laugh* Then, after she's done yelling, she tries to be my best friend. *Miss D points to wristband* "Where'd you get that, Becca?" Me:"Mary Blakely" Miss D: "Oh, cool!" It's like no, not cool. Go away. Gee, she's lucky I smile at all.

I got my pants yesterday *smiles again* Theyre hott and surprisingly, nobody hated them. Rather, if they hated them (and the newish style) they just kept it to theirselves. Eh, and I thought people were waaaaaay less mature then that. Learn something new every day.

I've been thinking alot lately. The more I go on, the easier it is to hide pain. When I'm around my friends, I'm all... happy. No matter how sucky of a life I'm having, it never seems to matter anymore. I suppose I could look as hellish as I want to, but still I'm okay. Which leads me to wonder: Becca, are you really that sad? I have no idea. *rolls eyes at self-stupidity*

I've been trying to listen to my heart via nightmares or dreams. I'm trying to listen as carefully as I can, listening for answers and waiting for clarity. I believe my dreams are telling me that I am not alone, but I feel misjudged. That actually makes sense. Maybe that's where the whole losing voice thing came in. *sighs* Maybe I'm paranoid. Hey, it's likely. It's only when I have time to think that I feel lost or alone.

I'm learning that it takes a great deal of trust to even get through the day, but I think I can do it.

love you

~Becca

Monday, March 07, 2005

Ice Madness and Nightmares again...

i went ice skating for my brother's elementary tsunami thing on saturday with Morgan and Meredith... fun times! "COAST!" "That's so romantic!"

annnnyway

fun stuff.

The nightmares are coming back again. I had two this weekend. They are different from the other three, yet somehow different. In the dreams HE popped up randomly and i managed to run away in the first one, not so quick in the second. However in the second, I had friends to help me through.

Here's the funny part though. In both the dreams, I lost my voice. Lost my voice? This is new. In the first one I tried to scream but nothing came out. Therefore, i chucked a marker at HIM as hard as i could. Clumsy me, I missed. In the second, HE came up and grabbed me and other people too... but then Kathryn shooed HIM away. I tried to explain who HE was and what HE meant, but i was loosing my voice and all raspy. They couldnt understand what i was saying.

In the first three nightmares, I always ran away to somebody, but HE never succeeded in what HE wanted to do. In the first two, I'd run to somebody or try to save somebody else from HIM. In the third, HE tried to attack me. In the fourth, HE laughed at me for being clumsy and trying to scream but couldnt. In the fifth, HE got me. But again, another funny thing. HE was just being goofy. HE wasnt as serious as in the first nightmares, so i wasnt as scared.

It's funny though... I'm not sure what to think of these. I knew that from the first couple, i was always able to run away because i knew i had inner strength. I'm not so sure now.

Any thoughts?

love you

~Fanta

Saturday, March 05, 2005

:)

ya know... i'm really quite excited about online journalling. I mean... you never know who reads this and I never write in diaries... so hey there you go.

Yeah I just posted... but this is fun.

As if I havent been doing this for the past year *angel halo*

The sun is shining... it smells like spring but looks like winter. I feel like eating an icycle and picking flowers at the same time. March is so confusing. It's really warm in here for a change, because the skylight is trapping heat!

The sunlight reflected off my hair makes it look reddish orange. Hmm... I like it. I think I'm going to like my hair today. :)

I choose not to stress out totally today... it's too pretty outside. I'm just going to pretend like things are what they used to be, happy and laid back. Sounds like a plan to me! I honestly hope that zoning out of computer mode and going back to the real world for today wont ruin the mood I'm in right now. I like it. It's fun.

I can't wait until spring comes, for real.

~Fanta

well...

all's well that ends well.

Since Dillon didnt call me last night, i ended up going to Be Cool with Katie and her mom! heehee it was a good movie. (I also got my interview with Gramma done... whew!)

"DABOO! CAN YOU PLEASE MAKE YOUR DINING EXPERIENCE A LITTLE LESS OBTRUSIVE?"

"DABOO! TEA! WHATS WITH THE PINKIE? THATS NOT GANGSTA!"

"WEEEEEEEZY! FO SHEEEEEEZY! *dances* I CAN CLOWN IT MAN! I CAN CLOWN IT! STOP HATIN! STOP HATIN AND START... PARTICIPATIN!"

"OOH I'M SO HOT! *slaps butt*"

wow... me and Katie are SO going shopping for the alligator red boots and black widow shirts... YEY!

and me and Mere arent going to Detroit today cuz we're not interested in doing a bunch of work and have it not even be looked at... yeah. So we're going ICE SKATING! haha its fun. I was going anyway... but hey you know. Now she is! haha.

Well tomorrow we're having an open house and i hope people will ACTUALLY come! haha that would be SUUUPER

and by the way... yall are coming to my kids musical... at trinity church at 6PM on saturday March 12! (except those of you who are going to Katie's party) I hope i can go to that after! haha

well LOVE YOU!

~Fanta

Friday, March 04, 2005

"Because you're Fanta, and I love you!"

So here i am.... conformist at it's prime here ladies and gents!

I've got a blog.

So I'm not sure if this means farewell to the ol LJ... eh prolly not. Feel free to still check it out at www.livejournal.com/users/pancakes_r_cool just cuz. It aint over till the fat lady sings.



Yey for this.

~Fanta